I cannot face myself....

I have promised myself to fulfill certain dreams after I have entered the university. But I am regretful to say that I have achieved none of them so far. I began to realise, and have to say in a pain, that I am not in a right position to do something that i have wanted to do. I won't regret at not choosing English Literature as I think I can still that outside the field of the study, but I regret at choosing a group of people which I began to feel more and more problems to get along with.

I think I have to be partially responsible for the current situation, as I am too closed to myself, not being enthusaistic enough to find people and talk to them. Maybe I can play a better part, but why find me from such an indirect way? You all have my own contact, why don't just call me and say the things that you want to say? I have to feel that I am part of the team before I can contribute to the full, but unfortunately, I cannot feel that.....

Maybe I am far too emotional, maybe this is an expected outcome for me as well, but why treat me in this way?
Oh Lord~~

Bring me out of this wandering phase
I don't want anybody to be disgraced
Surely I believe that this is not the fate
I regret at realising it too late
I need a mate,
a mate whom I can share my fate
a fate to change my present place
a place that I can feel myself in grace

No more distress~~
No more ~
NO......