1.11.03

同呀媽傾開偈,開始發現我地既性格原來係好鬼死似。呀媽仲跟手話我真係一個guardian。唔係呱,依家有呢個角色又好似唔係太夾我依家要做的事喎。

不過,留番俾其他人評評理啦!

死,半夜三更都唔想(目訓),做乜事呀........

PS.: 我下莊今日的表現真係幾好,努力呀!

31.10.03

見到架307cc終於出左啦!

太靚啦,簡直唔係一般小車果皮。我想買架呀!

但係,無錢供、未有牌、無錢買╱租車位......點算?

總之,307cc千祈唔好咁快轉款呀!等埋我呀!

30.10.03

Guardian = Master's body-guard? Both mental and physical?
Guardian = Always stand by the side of my master?
Guardian = Does everything the master told me to?
Guardian = Guarding my master away from every single, no matter how trivial, danger?
Guardian = Feels everything same as the master feel?

守謢者真的要完全地守謢嗎?
守護者真的要像現代的父母,看見兒女跌了一跤就要高聲尖叫嗎?
守護者真的要無時無刻的守護著,不容許master犯一小個錯,要剝奪master learn from mistakes的機會嗎?

說到底,我真的配做一個天使的守護者嗎?

Even parents do not necessarily do everything to protect the children just for the sake of protecting them, shouldn't a guardian ask oneself again whether I, as a guardian, should protect my master at all times?

29.10.03

I think nothing but feel. I know my angel is now under great stress and very depressed. As the guardian, feeling so helpless is something that I feel sad as well. I want to help them at whatever costs, and I just know that this is the only thing that I enjoy so far. I don't want anybody to take away anything from them.

Shouldn't I have impersonalised everything, so that I would not suffer from these bitter feelings? But.......can I?

Angel, what you need now is confidence. Believe in yourself, trust yourself, have faith in yourself. Don't feel down, don't feel bad....

I know you can do it.....you can surely do it....

28.10.03

終於知道下莊邊個打邊個啦,重要有正下莊呀!好開心呀!要多謝阿Kay帶個下莊來,亦都多謝正下莊。

但係,最開心的莫過於聽到我個仔同我既大恩人做Chair同埋IV,仲有我個女係publicity。多謝您地呀。

不過,我的下莊們,距離mock-camp得番3幾日架咋,唔落力d就唔得掂架啦!

你地要博盡呀!

27.10.03

本是一場敗仗、一樁教人不快樂的事,但一切想通了,這些不快的事突然煙消雲散,心裡再沒陰霾。這一刻,發現我並非一個敗軍之將,只是我以淚迎接勝利而矣。

為何要為一些已經無法扭轉的局面、事實、決定而煩惱、憂心呢?既來之則安之,過者而矣,來者可追。人生長路漫漫,為何要著眼於眼下的小事呢?我今天不反抗,代表我放棄嗎?非也。只是我用不著要反抗。

痛快的哭了一場,心中的鬱結像不再存在,再也沒有牽掛。勉強,真的不會幸福。既然都不會幸福的了,那,我又為何要勉強自己,做一件我做了而不會快樂的事呢?

雖然看來是一場敗仗,但誰來定這一定是一場敗仗呢?今天的敗仗,會不會在十年後仍是一場敗仗呢?或許有一天,這些不愉快的經驗成了人家更不愉快的一部份,真的要時時刻刻都看重所有東西嗎?

現在看,我像駕車時錯過了一個路口,心中很是慌亂,十五隻吊桶七上八落。但,錯過了一個路口而想勉強入,下場肯定與早前的一輛961線的九巴一般。既是錯過了一個出口,只要耐心點等下一個路口,再於這個地方離開就成了。縱使這段路的風光明媚,我都沒可能會因欣賞到,但錯過了這路口就一定是錯嗎?或許有一天,這段你曾走過的路就是最美的地方,又或是有一天你在這裡發現了新天新地。

頃刻,前路一片清朗,再沒迷惘、再沒不明朗、再沒牽掛。這心態,讓我向愉快生活的目標跨越了一大步。

今天總算達成想哭的願望,把心中一直以來的不快都發泄出來了。多謝這樁小事,多謝給我一個機會哭的人,多謝你們。更要多謝開解我的人,我的媽媽。

To我的下莊:
天真的會助自助者。你們要繼續努力呀!

26.10.03

呢部新Mac正係好鬼正。俾阿媽話我果部1Gig個樣仲殘過人地部G4-800MHz機(唉^^|||......),不過自己個仔就行得靜d,又無咁熱。燒CD雖然慢過人地部機,但個optical drive行緊又唔覺有d乜聲。

新Mac稍稍唔係太好的地方係佢個Hard Drive行得嘈一d,而且行optical drive又熱左小小,但係呢部個case又新得咁緊要,而且無AppleCare,都係唔好帶出街啦,費鬼事整花人地部靚機個case啦。

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