I cannot face myself....

I have promised myself to fulfill certain dreams after I have entered the university. But I am regretful to say that I have achieved none of them so far. I began to realise, and have to say in a pain, that I am not in a right position to do something that i have wanted to do. I won't regret at not choosing English Literature as I think I can still that outside the field of the study, but I regret at choosing a group of people which I began to feel more and more problems to get along with.

I think I have to be partially responsible for the current situation, as I am too closed to myself, not being enthusaistic enough to find people and talk to them. Maybe I can play a better part, but why find me from such an indirect way? You all have my own contact, why don't just call me and say the things that you want to say? I have to feel that I am part of the team before I can contribute to the full, but unfortunately, I cannot feel that.....

Maybe I am far too emotional, maybe this is an expected outcome for me as well, but why treat me in this way?
Oh Lord~~

Bring me out of this wandering phase
I don't want anybody to be disgraced
Surely I believe that this is not the fate
I regret at realising it too late
I need a mate,
a mate whom I can share my fate
a fate to change my present place
a place that I can feel myself in grace

No more distress~~
No more ~
NO......

Feel the lady's high heel.....

I have a pair of shoes that seems like wearing high-heel shoes, but that's not enough when compared with today and possiblily the few days to come. That's because my right foot suffered from an injury that I would feel the pain when my right foot is on the floor (what the hell this kind of injury is...) I have to walk, in the bonesetter's word, like a ballet-dancer. Oh never mind, being a ballet dancer isn't as bad as like walking all the day on high-heel... I began to hate high-heel, it's like high-heLL instead of just being high-heeled. I think I would not need my lad (If I am going to have one anyway) to wear high-heel, it's too painful to bear that anyway....

I don't know how long I would have to stand and walk high-heeled, just bear this pain for this point of time....

O Freedom.....

Freedom is to do everything you want, including the right for not to do anything. I think I have enjoyed quite a lot for not doing anything, reading old newspapers, magazines, spending my time with my notebook, listening to radio and so so.......I would struggle to make my works start again, and work harder for quite a lot of things...

This point of time, I am viewing a TV programme about Al Jazeerra, a television station from the Arabian Peninsula, and its stories in reporting during the invasion of Iraq by the joint force of Uniter Kingdom and United States. Frankly, I am quite interested to work for Al Jazeera as I think it would be a very adventerous experience to work with a station that can provide so many exclusive reports on places that the part of the world are unfamiliar with, while this part of the world has been so important to the political changes and struggles. Of course I know it would be quite impossible for me to join them, as I know nothing about Arabic, and I think I would not be able to master the language just for the sake for taking a job. And working for a rather independent, as well as being so capable in bringing a lot news update, not scared by anybody for their threats to ban the reportings by the station.

Of course, a similar incident took place in Britain recently, about the same invasion, but from another point. Some BBC reporters said that the British Government had been fabricating materials in order to persuade the British parliament as well as the public to support the decision to invade Iraq. But it was unfortunate for the British Government to have this being discovered by BBC, and the station quarreled with the Prime Minister's Office over this point. It would be a bold move to make, but as long as the reporters are doing their job, we should offer them support, so that we would not blocking our way to know things from another poinr of view.

All these already add up to my interests on journalism.....